My niece was visiting.
She came over to hang out with her coolest aunt and was doing some school assignments. Part of one of her assignments was to do a personality test. When she’s done she turns to me and says, “do you wanna do a personality test?” Sure, why not?
In going through the questions with her I had a realisation. There were so many questions where it was difficult to answer agree or disagree. Why? Because the answers were based on ways my personality is set up versus how I’m tryna train myself to be better. For instance, a question was (paraphrasing) do you do things spontaneously or do you plan things out. I do not willingly plan most things. If I could just be like “hey can this thing happen” at the very second I needed it and it was guaranteed to happen then I would never make appointments.
Basically by going through those questions with her I realised how many things I’m attempting to change. Habits that aren’t necessarily beneficial but give me a peace and don’t make me anxious. Because part of why I hate making plans is that I hate cancelling even more. More so for professional things that personal things. I often dislike having to do that interaction. If it’s by phone call I sometimes practice what I need to say. If it’s via text I double check what I wrote. If it’s in person then I usually wing it.
Going through those questions was a mirror being held up. It was showing me how I’ve changed. It showed my what I’m still working and what I wasn’t even aware I had changed. I felt good and sad at the same time. I believe in the benefits of the changes that I’m making but at the same time… comfort. But I’m pretty proud of the adjustments that I’ve made even if no one else knows about them. I see the changes and that’s more important than anything else.
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